the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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