i jhust puked up my retainher.
Do vagina's smell?
zippers are such a cool invention
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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