I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
