I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
