I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
