weddingsv make me drug and hornr
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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