got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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