I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
