Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
