i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
