my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
