am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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