i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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