Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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