let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
