East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
