I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
