already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
