I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
