I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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