I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize