and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
