Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
