Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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