I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
