its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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