OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
