cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
