Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level

Fav 11 5783 1691
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(740): View more from Ohio

Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!

Fav 14 4890 1278
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(250): View more from British Columbia

I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite

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(786): View more from Florida

hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!

Fav 10 1435 2278
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(509): View more from Washington

I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?

Fav 14 1618 2340
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.

Fav 5 1708 722
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(312): View more from Illinois

My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?

Fav 0 297 339
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(480): View more from Arizona

The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".

(602): View more from Arizona

It's gonna be a good night

Fav 0 51 6
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