I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
