trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
