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He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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