people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
