can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
