Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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