So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
