$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
