Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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