I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
