I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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