So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
