if you like me you must not know who I am
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
