I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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