WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
