I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
