the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Randomize
