the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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