I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
