my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize