just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
