I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
this is an emotional support booty call
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
