Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
