Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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