he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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