So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
