I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize