....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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