Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Let's paint friendship bongs
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
