i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
