just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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