guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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