Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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