I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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