Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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