the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
