Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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