Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My pussy is not your playground.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
