went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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