this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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