no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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