i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
