her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Couch. On fire.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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