who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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