Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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